


Overthinking

by infptwriter



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Developing Relationship, First Year Akaashi, M/M, Post Time Skip, Slow Burn, Spoilers, ish? it's just 3 chapters sjadhkja but as slow burn as it can be ig?, second year bokuto, slight smut during last chapter
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-11
Updated: 2020-05-09
Packaged: 2021-03-02 03:28:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 15,222
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23588410
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/infptwriter/pseuds/infptwriter
Summary: Overthinking has always been Akaashi's greatest weakness. That is, until he met Bokuto Koutarou. Then, he realized he had two great weaknesses.
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou
Comments: 14
Kudos: 201





	1. The beginning

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, thank you for giving this fic a chance! I'm not very confident about this, but I decided I'd try it anyway. This is set during the end of Akaashi's first year and Bokuto's second year and the main part (which is next chapter hehe) is going to be during their vacation before Akaashi's second year as vice-captain and Bokuto's third year as captain. So, that's it! Hope you enjoy it!  
> (Sorry for any mistakes, English is not my first language :x)

Overthinking, Akaashi thinks, is his biggest weakness. Because he is very much aware that during important and hard plays, when Bokuto’s dejected mood comes too fast or they’re being too predictable; during important tests, ones that no matter how much he studies and studies for, he still feels nervous about it nevertheless; or during late night thinking about his own feelings and how he should handle them, Akaashi is aware that he _always_ overthinks. Most people, though, wouldn’t be able to tell from his usual stoic face, but his teammates can say quite easily, knowing him from up close for almost a whole year now.

Akaashi had now been an official setter at Fukurodani for a few months now, which, in a way, made himself get closer to his teammates even if he didn’t mean to. It’s true that when Akaashi had set his eyes on this specific school, it was mostly because of what volleyball could bring to him, especially considering he had seen Bokuto Koutarou just at the end of junior high. A true star, he thought back then, and still does, to be quite honest with himself. Bokuto has this presence around him, not only when playing, but as person in general, too. He’s high-spirited, always eager to improve and learn, can lift everyone’s moods around him and he is quite extroverted. Perhaps the total opposite of Akaashi in the former area but it doesn’t stop them from being a good duo. Akaashi, of course, had made sure that they were and still are a good duo, someone people can rely on. He works hard, too, perhaps sometimes as hard as Bokuto regarding volleyball.

But still, he has overthinking as a weakness. Bokuto has his dejected moods sometimes, something Akaashi is learning how to work on – and has already succeed many times, proving his theory, to his great relief – but Akaashi’s weakness is something he doesn’t really know how to work on. Self-analyzing to create improvement within yourself and understand how to correctly and healthily do this is something most people won’t know how to do, not without the correct help from, perhaps, a therapist, a psychologist, something Akaashi doesn’t and won’t have access to any time soon. He doesn’t really need it, he thinks, because as much as he overthinks things, it’s not something that brings his anxiety to levels he cannot handle by himself with some breathing techniques and some distracting. Also, it’s not something that has made him fail in anything because of excess of overthinking – if that’s even a thing, he muses. So, yes, overthinking is his weakness, like he is doing at this exact moment, overthinking over overthinking, but it’s what Akaashi does and he deals with it on his own way.

Or Bokuto snaps him out of it. Lately, it seems that Bokuto has been able to pick up faster when Akaashi starts overthinking and, somehow, still a mystery to Akaashi himself, he _can_ snap him out of it quite quickly, a feature that is a surprise and a relief to Akaashi.

Surprise is quite expected, but relief is a feeling Akaashi is not used to feeling when it regards Bokuto. He overthinks about the boy quite often, especially since they became teammates on the court and, somehow, friends, too, so it’s only normal Akaashi overthinks this, too. It doesn’t help that whenever he thinks of the older boy, his heart starts beating a bit faster, or when Bokuto invades his personal space – since he has no sense of that, anyway – he gets quite more nervous and worked up, trying to get away not because he hates it, but quite the opposite, he _craves_ it. And even when they talk or interact and he sees Bokuto’s glowing face, it takes everything inside of Akaashi not to fall apart and break into a wide grin right there, in front of the second-year boy.

So, yeah, perhaps Akaashi overthinks more about Bokuto than anything else since he realized he is _in love_ with him. And ever since he realized that, being stoic and acting normal around the older boy has proven to be something even harder to Akaashi himself. He hadn’t expected to be surrounded by these kinds of feelings right over his first year of high school – even though he had been crushing in some sort of way ever since he saw Bokuto play and the word _star_ crossed his mind – and by someone who he wasn’t even sure if he would ever harbor the same feelings for him back anyway. So, overthinking it is. And all the time, it seems, since Bokuto just _won’t_ leave his mind at all. Guess that’s what being in love means, after all. Thinking about the person you love quite often.

Love. It’s a lot, and it’s something Akaashi is _terrified_ of, to be honest.

“Akaashi, you’re still there?” he hears suddenly, snapping himself out of his overthinking over his weakness and Bokuto – perhaps another one of his weakness could be the boy himself, he muses – to then turn to the voice next to him. It’s Konoha, also a second-year like Bokuto, and they had been discussing some weaknesses that had to be worked on the team now that the end of the year was close and the third-years didn’t have any more games to play. In the end, they were eliminated of nationals in a rough match against another powerful school in the semifinals and Akaashi was secretly happy they had even gotten that far.

Sad, perhaps, that the third-years didn’t get more of nationals for their last year. But after Bokuto’s speech of them conquering nationals next year, even the third-years were pumped for the team now.

“Yes, of course, Konoha-san, I am sorry for spacing out,” he says after a second and turns his head slightly to his direction, where he previously had been staring at a sheet of paper with names and notes they have gathered from everyone on the team. “I do agree with the fact that we should train receiving more often with the team for the rest of this year and focus perhaps on our own servings as well. Bokuto-san will get sad he won’t get to spike so much, though.”

To Akaashi’s surprise, Konoha barks a laugh, attracting attention from a few other people who had been playing – Akaashi and Konoha had excused themselves after awhile to discuss some of the future of the team, and Bokuto had insisted to play more with the third-years while they still had the chance. The coach hadn’t complained, and he had been side-eyeing Konoha and Akaashi for awhile as well, seeing they were comparing strategies and thinking of what each member of their team had to offer. He had let them be, knowing they would share their notes with the coach himself later. Even now, he smirks at them and Akaashi shushes Konoha with a scowl, trying not to call too much attention to them, _especially_ Bokuto’s. He didn’t want the boy to be there just so Akaashi would be even more spaced out than he already is.

“What is it, Konoha-san?” he asks quite sharply, not really understanding what Konoha had thought it had been so funny.

“Just you being you,” he says when his laughter starts dying and smiles deviously at him, making Akaashi raise an eyebrow. “Always thinking about Bokuto even though the dude isn’t even here to give his opinion.”

Akaashi tries, he swears, he tries _really hard_ not to blush at Konoha’s words, but the implications he could be sending there – and he is sure he actually is – makes Akaashi blush, nevertheless. Konoha snickers behind his hands, trying to hold his laughter, which makes Akaashi groan and drop his head between his hands, elbows digging on his thighs. So, he had been obvious all along, he knows deep down that he has, but to have Konoha point it out to him in such a subtle way that _still_ makes Akaashi blush?

He sort of wants to open up a hole on the ground and let it swallow him whole.

“I just happen to know that he will complain and am currently pointing it out, Konoha-san,” he mumbles anyway when he sees Konoha’s laughter dying again, even though he doesn’t have much heat on his voice to fight his teammate right now. “You don’t have to imply anything, that’s all.”

“Sure, Akaashi,” he drawls lazily and smirks, proud of Akaashi’s ongoing blush. “Keep telling yourself that.”

Akaashi shakes his head slightly and brings Konoha back into topic, talking then about what could be done for each of player’s moves, weakness and many words Konoha declared ‘too hard to be talked about without the coach with them’. So, with that, they moved to discuss strategies with their coach and the subject Bokuto was buried in Akaashi’s mind for now.

.

It’s when Akaashi is in the locker room, changing into his school uniform, ready to go home after the shower that he is hit with the hurricane of thoughts that Bokuto brings into him. He hears him before even seeing him; he knows he had been taking a shower right after Akaashi went to change, and he has his back turned to the other boy while he’s finishing organizing his stuff. He doesn’t want to turn around and let his hormones take over his head, when he could see a shirtless, almost naked Bokuto right there in front of him, no. He _refuses_ to let his mind go there and instead try to focus on what homework he has to do for the weekend, seeing as it’s Friday already.

“Akaashi!” he hears Bokuto’s loud voice rang through his schedule inside his head and he sighs very quietly, refusing to turn around. Bokuto will either get to the point or pester him until he turns around. He hopes if it’s the latter case, he will be at least dressed. “Akaashi, let’s walk home together!”

He turns his head around slightly, then and watches Bokuto carefully. He’s already fully dressed and holding his bag on his shoulders. Akaashi nods once and turns around to finish packing his own bag. Bokuto asks Akaashi every day for them to walk home together, and by this point he doesn’t even have to, but Akaashi doesn’t have the heart to tell him that he doesn’t need to ask. Akaashi craves any kind of interaction he can get from Bokuto at this point, so he would never tell him not to ask him to walk home together when they already do it every day anyway, because it’s Bokuto. He finishes quietly and can hear the others doing the same, some of them chatting with Bokuto – or Bokuto talking loudly to them and them giving half-assed answers or laughing at his antics – and he finally turns around, he realizes most of their teammates have already left.

He walks towards Bokuto and together, side by side, they walk out of the locker room and then, out of school. The afternoon already ending, the sky slowly fading its colors and bringing the darkness along with the moon, the duo walked down towards their neighborhood. Though they weren’t neighbors, they didn’t leave too far apart. Perhaps 10 blocks or so. They would walk together until a certain path, until Akaashi turned right into a block and Bokuto walked straight ahead. By this point, it was already routine that they would walk together every day after practice. But ever since Akaashi had realized his feelings for the older boy, it had become a kind of a resistance test to his own self when it came down to not spill out his confession out there, out of nowhere to the oblivious boy. Bokuto, as always, seemed oblivious to the internal struggle Akaashi went through every second around him.

“Ah, man, next week they’re naming the new captain, did you know Akaashi?” Bokuto talks animatedly with both of his hands behind this head, a smile plastered on his face. Akaashi side-eyes him, waiting for him to continue. “I mean, it’s pretty obvious, since the third-years are graduating and such, but anyways, they’re going to do it next week! Isn’t that exciting, huh, Akaashi?”

Humming softly, Akaashi gives a slightly nod – one he knows Bokuto notices, because he can feel his eyes on him – and ponders for a second. He knows there’s a reason why Bokuto brought this up. It wouldn’t be for nothing. Bokuto might seem dumb to any person who doesn’t personally know him, just seeming a loud, extroverted dumb volleyball addict – which, to be honest, is not exactly a wrong description of him. He is loud, extroverted, can be kind of dumb and is a total volleyball addict, but he isn’t defined by that. Although his grades aren’t the best in school and he’s not the best student, he isn’t a bad one either. He’s usually above the average, in fact, something that shocks anyone who finds out a little after meeting Bokuto for the first time. He isn’t dumb, he just struggles more than most people to grasp the meaning under things and he has his own way of connecting dots and interpreting texts. Also, he tends to lose focus and get distracted quite easily, which is why Bokuto sometimes learns a lot in classes, and sometimes he doesn’t. Akaashi knows exactly how Bokuto studies nowadays anyway, because they tend to get together sometimes to study and, even though he’ll never admit, he watches Bokuto studying sometimes. He observes his posture, how he takes small breaks to cool off his head and how he puts up some songs which are supposedly helping him focus for a longer time.

So, Akaashi _knows_ Bokuto well enough by now to know he doesn’t bring things up out of nowhere. He likes to randomly talk about things, but it’s different when he uses this nervous and unsure tone, like he’s about to ask Akaashi about something important and like Akaashi’s opinions matter to him. Kindly, Akaashi waits for it.

“Akaashi,” Bokuto says lowly and this time Akaashi turns his head to him, stopping his walk as Bokuto does so first. He looks at him so seriously, face so open, scared and unsure, so unlike the Bokuto that Akaashi has learned to love through the year. “The coach wants me to be the captain next year.”

It leaves Akaashi breathless. He breaks into a small smile, not being able to handle himself, because he is so _proud_ of Bokuto, knowing full well how deserving he is to be named the next captain of a powerful school like Fukurodani. He wants to hug him, hold him gently, congratulate him with kind words and soft kisses between his eyebrows, tug away the furrow there and smile at him at his brightest. But, instead, he offers this small smile that makes Bokuto’s eyes widen and he gulps, visibly, and starts rambling before Akaashi has even the chance to congratulate him.

“Do I even deserve it, Akaashi?” he says lowly, voice so unusually unsure and small and it breaks Akaashi’s heart to hear it. “Am I even going to be a good captain? How can the captain be someone like me, so unpredictable on the court, with my moods and how am I going to suddenly deal with all of that, Akaashi?”

His voice was bearing desperation towards the end, and at this point, Akaashi is heartbroken enough to ignore all the voices in his head desperately telling him to hold himself back. He surges forward and doesn’t even think, just hugs Bokuto tight, his arms circling his neck. He buries his face into the crook of Bokuto’s neck and breathes there for a second, feeling Bokuto hesitantly circle his own arms around Akaashi’s waist. They stand there, on the corner of an empty street, holding each other for just a few seconds.

“You’re wrong, Bokuto-san,” Akaashi manages to say lowly, next to Bokuto’s ear and he can’t shake off the amazing feeling it gives him to _feel_ Bokuto getting a shiver from this. “You’re going to be an amazing captain. Forget your moods. You’re the spirit of this team, and you’re the one to always pull us up. You’ve never let us down before, you’re _our_ ace. I know you’re going to be the best captain Fukurodani has ever had, because you’re already an amazing leader. People follow you blindly, because you are reliable. And don’t think I don’t notice you helping the others to improve on where they lack, because you observe every single one of your teammates. There’s no one better to fit into this role than you, Bokuto-san, I am sure.”

He takes a second to breathe again and feels Bokuto’s grip on him get tighter. He buries his face even further and he’s not even sure if Bokuto is going to hear him, but he keeps going, mind suddenly shut down with their proximity and the older boy’s mesmerizing smell and aura.

“We’re always going to be there to lift you up when you’re down, Bokuto-san. I promise you I will always be there to do this for you. Please, trust us, too. Because I’m sure everyone already trusts you to be our captain.”

Bokuto’s hand move a bit higher, between Akaashi’s shoulder’s blades and Bokuto takes a deep breath, something Akaashi feel on his entire body. They’re so pressed up together that he can almost feel Bokuto’s fast heartbeat against his (fast) own, chest to chest. It takes them a moment to come down from this moment and while they’re still there, just holding each other and breathing, it’s the moment Akaashi’s mind resets and realizes what he has done. That he, the stoic Akaashi Keiji, had suddenly, out of nowhere, completely lost in that moment, _hugged_ his crush because of how heartbroken he was making Akaashi feel with his insecurities. He had crossed a line and didn’t know if it was for the best or worst. Would Bokuto realize Akaashi’s feelings for him? Would this change their relationship? Or maybe is Bokuto still in the dark and thinking Akaashi is just being a nice friend?

“Akaashi,” Bokuto murmurs, now making Akaashi shiver instead with how close his mouth is from his ear. _Oh_ , he thinks _, I am sensitive there, then._ “I want you to be my vice-captain.”

Akaashi pulls apart from Bokuto quickly then, the older boy looking at his with expecting eyes. He puts a distance between them, no more touching so Akaashi won’t let himself be led by his own feelings for the boy in front of him. He looks and looks at Bokuto, looking for signs of insecurity, of laughter, of anything that would make Akaashi want to say _no, I can’t_. But Bokuto looks at him with the most expectant eyes, shining brightly under the moon – which had already shown up at this hour – and streetlights, looking at him like Akaashi was everything he needed, like he carried all the right answers and questions Bokuto would ever need.

“Bokuto-san,” he says quietly, not breaking eye contact for a second. “Are you sure about this? I’ll be just a second-year. I don’t have that much experience. There are better candidates.”

Bokuto, to Akaashi’s surprise, laughs. He smiles, that big goofy grin he has, which makes Akaashi’s heartbeat fasten even more, and looks at him with such sincerity in his eyes that Akaashi wonders why he had any doubts when Bokuto seemed to trust him so wholeheartedly. It’s like he already knows Akaashi is the only correct answer to be his vice-captain, his right hand, his partner to lead Fukurodani into a successful year.

“You’re the best candidate and you know it, Akaashi,” he says anyway, voicing out his certainty so maybe it will melt away the insecurities he sees in Akaashi’s eyes. “I saw you earlier, with Konoha. You’re very strategic. Intelligent. Observant. Calm and collected. You’re everything this team needs to balance the hurricane I bring with my personality. Ying and Yang, right?”

If Akaashi blushes and has to hang his head down for a second to keep the tears at the bay for a second, Bokuto doesn’t mention it. He takes a deep breath, nods twice and Bokuto smiles brilliantly, bringing his hand to slap him on the shoulder, already laughing and talking loudly again, saying how they’ll be the best _captain_ and _vice-captain_ that Fukurodani has ever had. Akaashi lets himself be walked down the street, Bokuto’s hand still heavy on his shoulder, a presence that brings him back down to Earth and makes his mind swim in emotions that his rational part wishes he could ignore. But right now, as Bokuto makes plans for them to hang out during the school vacation, to practice and strategize together, Akaashi lets his rational part be shut down. Because Bokuto Koutarou trusts him, he realizes, heart squeezing on his chest, full of emotion, and he thinks quite happily and perhaps melancholic that, _yes, I do love him_.


	2. The middle in between

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HI! How are you?  
> I did my best to come back in a week and not leave anyone hanging! So, here's the thing, I finished yesterday, but my beta reader (bless her I love her so much for helping) could only read it today (as if Sunday pretty late of the night), so here I am!  
> So, this chapter is a bit longer and I'm going to point out something my beta told me earlier: I tend to overshare details that are not needed for the story, sooooo!!! I apologize, I guess? I do like to give small random details to make us a bit more closer to the characters you know? And even to the moment, or their background that I won't even go into or something. But just to make it a bit more real? I DONT KNOW IM SORRY
> 
> I HOPE YOU ENJOY IT!

During the days that stretched by, Akaashi had been doing his usual overthinking more than usual. It was only normal that during the times he didn’t have school or volleyball to distract him, he’d be more inside his head than normal. Especially now that he spends all of his time at home. Though now, Bokuto has been in touch with him more than ever. His reason is claiming that they had to be even closer to be the best captain and vice-captain of Fukurodani – a day Akaashi wouldn’t ever forget. Not when not only he had hugged Bokuto or when the coach made it official and everyone had simply  _ agreed _ that Akaashi had to be Bokuto’s vice-captain, even though he’d be a second-year. But this had been bringing them closer, so Akaashi wasn’t about to complain. He likes the new development of their relationship, but it does make him overthink even more. Even though it had been only two days.

Bokuto has always been an open person about his own feelings; if he didn’t like something, it would be a challenge for him to not show it. He’s very sincere and honest with his own feelings and his face betrays himself anytime he tries to hide it. He’s not very good at hiding his true emotions, and even if he was, Akaashi likes to think he would be able to see right through him anyway. He has become good at reading Bokuto faster and knowing how to deal with his moods by now, so he selfishly thinks that maybe, just maybe, he knows Bokuto a little bit better than the others. And he prides himself for it, because it’s something that it’s between only  _ them _ .

But now, Bokuto seems clingier and more affectionate than ever. They have been talking nonstop for those past two days – starting actually on the week prior, when they had _that_ talk – Bokuto had already dropped several times in between, and they have only been on vacation officially for two days. In the end, Akaashi was not doing his usual overthinking, because how could he when Bokuto was just _right there_ not letting him go through his messy thoughts and insecurities? Always messaging him, asking to hang out, either at Akaashi’s place or Bokuto’s place, asking to play volleyball and go jogging together during the morning, being a constant presence in Akaashi’s life. 

Akaashi was becoming used to it so fast, which scared him to death. Having this kind of closeness to Bokuto is dangerous because when it finally comes to an end, which  _ will  _ happen, he  _ knows _ it will, Akaashi will be devastated. He’s already so used to Bokuto sending him random things. Either cute selfies or pictures of animals he has found during a walk – something he has started doing before the school ended, whenever he starts feeling antsy – or the messages during odd hours with deep or silly questions. They all makes Akaashi feel even closer and connected with the boy now.

So, when Bokuto, with no warning at all, invited Akaashi to go to this new owl café he found in Tokyo, it took Akaashi off guard and he had typed  _ yes, when? _ so quickly that his mind took a minute to catch up with the fact that everything about this screamed  _ date _ inside his own head. But it was  _ his _ head, not Bokuto’s, so he probably invited Akaashi because he knew the boy wouldn’t say no – whether it was because Bokuto had realized Akaashi’s feelings for him, either romantically or that he just had a soft spot for Bokuto, or even if he just noticed that Akaashi never truly said no to him. A little whining from Bokuto and some pouting would get Akaashi to agree to almost anything Bokuto suggested. So, now they have a  date meeting planned for today and Akaashi cannot help but feel nervous.

Being around Bokuto makes him nervous, it’s true. Like he had thought over and over, being around Bokuto makes him want to be  _ more _ around Bokuto, like  _ closer _ . He wants to hug him, to hold his hand, to feel his smile against his cheek, to  _ kiss him senseless _ . Akaashi had never been a romantic to the core, but ever since he fell in love with Bokuto Koutarou, he realized that it only took someone like Bokuto to spark every single romantic cell inside his body. He wants cliché. He wants the movie kind of love. He wants the non-movie kind, too. He wants  _ everything _ . And that’s why meeting up in a café, in the end of the afternoon, with his crush – or the love of his life, so it seems, considering how Bokuto has been making his feelings for him evolve even more – makes all this situation seem like a date  _ which makes Akaashi nervous _ . Bokuto might seem oblivious, but Akaashi is overthinking.

So, when he arrives at the café they decide to meet at, Akaashi’s palms are sweating and his heart is beating so fast he’s kind of surprised he hasn’t had a heart attack yet. He can see Bokuto through the window, already sitting on a spot on the corner – something he probably did for Akaashi’s sake, because he knows Akaashi likes to sit on the corners, away from the main activity of the place, making Akaashi’s heart squeeze on his chest even  _ tighter _ – and is petting an owl that a waitress has landed on her arm. He looks so happy and excited to be there, around his favorite animal, that any distress Akaashi had been feeling until now suddenly just melts. Bokuto has this power on him to make all his anxiety and fears just melt away with a look at him. It’s what makes Akaashi walk inside the café towards Bokuto himself, just to be noticed right when he’s close to their table.

It’s a rather small café and it isn’t very crowded, which Akaashi is thankful for. The waitress with the owl, an old lady with a bun on her head, smiles softly at Akaashi as Bokuto smiles brightly at him and draws a rather loud “Akaaashiii!!!”, making the owl move uncomfortably on the woman’s arm. Akaashi shushes him with a small smile and a nod, and Bokuto’s eyes are already on the owl again. It’s greyish, with big yellow eyes and a fur that seems to be softer than anything Akaashi has ever seen. He sits on the chair in front of Bokuto and watches him pet the owl lovingly again, the animal accepting the attention from the boy, happily, in Akaashi’s opinion.

“Would you like to order something to drink, now that your date has arrived?” The woman asks kindly and Bokuto  _ blushes _ , which makes Akaashi blush in return, and he watches quietly, eyes glued more on the menu than on Bokuto himself as he stutters and says they’ll look into the menu.

The woman leaves. Bokuto never really corrected her, Akaashi notices, still staring hard at the food options. Bokuto doesn’t immediately apologize, instead he  _ changes _ the subject, which makes Akaashi suddenly even more nervous and scared. Was Bokuto perhaps disgusted with the idea of being on a date with him? Maybe did Bokuto only bring him along because he needed company who wouldn’t turn him down?  _ Is this a date or not?! _

“Akaashi, you’re not listening!” Bokuto complains, a small pout already forming on his (very much kissable, in Akaashi’s opinion) lips, making a small smile appear on Akaashi’s lips in retaliation. 

“I’m deeply sorry, Bokuto-san,” he says, hoping his blush – which he can feel forming on his pale cheeks – isn’t very apparent in the darkish café. “I was wondering about what to choose. What did you say?”

“Oh! What were you thinking of choosing?” he asks, instead of answering, which is very Bokuto-like: changing subjects without realizing, getting lost as his mind finds a new interest.

“Perhaps some tea and a piece of shortcake?” Akaashi says, unsure, and looks at Bokuto’s face, which seems to be analyzing the menu, as Akaashi himself had been doing previously. “Perhaps you’d like the lemon curd mousse?”

Bokuto ponders for a second, then smiles brilliantly at him. “You know me the best, Akaashi! I like this!”

While Bokuto calls over the waitress and orders their food, Akaashi consciously looks down to his lap, where his hands are curled in tight nervous fists laying on his thighs, eyes trembling for a second. Bokuto has been making all of this seem so normal, why is Akaashi still thinking this all seemed like a date to him then? Why is he getting this weird, romantic aura around them? Is he imagining it, letting his mind get the best of him, or is it just the environment around them creating this false aura?

“So, Akaashi!” Bokuto starts, voice lower but with the hint of eagerness still there. “What have you been up to?”

Akaashi can’t help the small and quiet chuckle that leaves his lips, making Bokuto’s eyes widen in surprise, at the same time that he smiles softly at the boy. It’s such a weird question considering they talk  _ every day _ . Maybe he’s just making small talk, his mind supplies. “We see and talk to each other basically every day, Bokuto-san. So, you know what I have ‘been up to’.”

Bokuto laughs, throwing his head back and ends up getting the attention of other customers. Akaashi notices that quite quickly, and before he can shush him, Bokuto recomposes himself and use his hands as a support for his head, hands on his chin and elbows on the table, looking at Akaashi with an expression he – for some unexplainable reason – can’t really identify. 

“Akaashi, you’re always so serious!” he says, voice a bit lower, making the rest of the café forget their existence at all. “I’m just trying to make up some conversation while we wait for the food, that’s all!”

_ Oh _ , Akaashi thinks dumbly,  _ he was just being nice, as usual _ . He nods once, and fidgets with his hands on his lap. “I’ve been catching up on some manga and trying to prepare myself for next year, regarding my studies. Regarding volleyball and games, you already know the answer, since you spend all these times with me, anyway.”

Bokuto smiles shyly at him, shrugging at his comment. “Yeah, I know all of that. But when you’re alone and doing nothing in particular, what goes through your mind?”

At this, Akaashi wants to hit his face straight into the table.  _ You¸ _ he wants to answer,  _ all I think about is you _ . But he  _ can’t  _ and he knows that. He tries to think of a good answer but, thankfully, the waitress comes back with their food, drinks and a new owl. It’s white, some black feathers hiding among the white ones, and it looks  _ angry _ in Akaashi’s opinion. But Bokuto immediately coos at it and pets its head, seeing the owl closing its eyes, like it’s enjoying the attention. The waitress shoots him a  _ sorry! _ look that Akaashi can’t really understand while he watches Bokuto rant about this type of owl and why it looked like this.

“This is quite amazing, isn’t it, Akaashi?” he asks between bites, after the waitress has left and Akaashi is slowly sipping at his hot green tea. “I love these owls! And they seem to be very well treated here! It deserves to have us around more, so they can continue to gain more popularity and grow, huh? Also, this is so delicious, I’m in heaven!”

Akaashi allows his lips to curl into a soft and loving smile from watching Bokuto being so happy and excited about all of this. “Hmm, yes,” he agrees quietly and takes another piece of his shortcake. He observes Bokuto talk while eating and looking everywhere, dropping random facts about owls and smiling brilliantly whenever he sees one of the animals do something that he would consider cute. Akaashi was enjoying these little moments so much, being able to just watch Bokuto be himself and not care about anything else around them at the moment. These little moments are going to be stored in Akaashi’s heart and mind, behind seven locks and labeled as a secret, to everyone and even himself, sometimes. Remembering all of this would definitely make him overthink later.

“Akaashi,” Bokuto asks suddenly, after he had finished his own mousse and watched Akaashi take the last bite of his shortcake. “Would you like to take a stroll at the park close by with me? The sunset is almost starting and there’s this amazing spot I found during one of my jogs, I swear it’s very beautiful and worth it!”

_ Oh my god, I love him more than anything ever, _ Akaashi thinks too quickly, blushing at the thought of them taking a  _ stroll _ at a  _ park _ during  _ sunset _ ! After eating at a café! His mind screams the words  _ this is a date! _ even louder but Akaashi ignores all of them and hopes he doesn’t stutter when he answers quietly, “of course, Bokuto-san”. 

Bokuto immediately perks up and waves his hands at a waitress, who comes with the first owl he had seen Bokuto petting, which makes the older boy coo and pet it again with a soft smile. While he does so, he asks for the bill and Akaashi doesn’t even notice, too busy taking in the expression on Bokuto's face. The softness around the edge of his eyes, a glint full of adoration for the animal and his gentle smile on his lips, this image carved into Akaashi’s head for the rest of his life.  _ He’s so cute and he doesn’t even realize _ , Akaashi muses, still watching him coo at other owls nearby when the waitress leaves.

When she comes back with the bill and Bokuto immediately reaches for it, trying to pay it  _ all _ with his own money, it’s when all the reg flags Akaashi had been ignoring suddenly start flashing again before his eyes.  _ Date! _ , his mind screams and he blushes and stutters. “Bokuto-san!” but Bokuto is having none of him, shushing him quietly and handing the money to the waitress, thanking them and telling them to come back anytime – which Bokuto excitedly answers with “we will!”. 

Bokuto then gets up, ready to leave, and Akaashi follows, his protest still on his lips with his forehead frowning. As soon as they’re out of the owl café with Bokuto leading them to his special spot in the nearby park, Bokuto raises both hands behind his head and smiles, carefree and nervous. 

“I was the one who invited you, Akaashi. You don’t even care for owls that much, but you still came. The least I could do was pay for you. Please, don’t fight me on this one, because I won’t let you!” he smiles again then, glancing quickly at Akaashi with a nervous glint on his eyes.

_ You’re wrong,  _ Akaashi wants to scream at him,  _ it’s because it’s you that I came. It’s because I want to spend more time with you. It’s because of you that I love owls now, too. It’s all because I love you, you big goofy idiot. _ But, instead, Akaashi nods shyly and looks down for a second, feeling self-conscious about how maybe Bokuto doesn’t really know Akaashi’s interests. He likes owls. He would have come there by himself, even. But Bokuto doesn’t know that it’s because of Bokuto himself that Akaashi learned how to love owls. It’s impossible not to, he muses, when the older boy himself reminds him of one.

When they arrive at the park, Bokuto leads them at a higher place at a hill, somewhere with few people and more trees, a pathway close by for those who are running or riding their bikes. He has been talking about this volleyball game he watched recently ever since their moment after the owl café, and Akaashi has been mostly silent, just nodding or answering whenever it felt necessary or when the silence stretched for too long. He didn’t want to make things awkward with Bokuto.

They sit there and Bokuto claps excitedly when he realizes they had arrived just in time to see the sunset start. The sun is already descending its way down the horizon, sky yellow and orange, the darkness starting to show up at the highest point in the sky. They sit quietly, side by side, while they watch it, the view being truly mesmerizing. It’s a high place in the neighborhood, so it gives them a view over the houses and small apartment complexes. It takes Akaashi’s breath away. He turns to Bokuto, and he’s just about to thank him for taking him there, when he sees the expression on Bokuto’s face.

It’s open, like it usually is, and it’s so full of  _ love, adoration  _ and  _ fear _ that it makes Akaashi’s head spin and heart speed up at once. Bokuto is not looking at the sunset, he’s looking at  _ Akaashi _ . For a second, neither of them say a word, just stare into each other, Bokuto mostly afraid of something Akaashi doesn’t know ( _ yet _ , he thinks, because Bokuto would eventually share it with him) and Akaashi breathless, not sure if the love he carries so heavily for Bokuto around his whole heart is being open and free on his face right now. 

“Akaashi,” Bokuto says quietly, unsure, just like the day he said to Akaashi he was going to be named captain of the team. But, this time, he’s not just unsure and scared, he sounds  _ hopeful _ . “I didn’t ask you here for nothing. For this, the owl café, or any of those other moments we had together, but this one... Well, Konoha told me I should take you on a date first and then ask you this later.”

Akaashi is sure he has stopped breathing, because the moment Bokuto mentions  _ Konoha _ and  _ date _ , he’s not sure if he wants to die or kill Konoha first. But Bokuto doesn’t give him time to think, to process or to even open his mouth and spill anything on his head, because he goes on, sounding still unsure, but with a bit more confidence.

“I’ve had these feelings for you for awhile now… And Konoha said I should take you out on a date and see how it goes. This is the most romantic thing I could come up with. I don’t know much about romance, to be honest, but with you, I want to know,” he smiles shyly and grabs Akaashi’s hand that had been laying on the grass next to him, limp and useless. “I want to learn more about romance with you. I want to hold your hand, cuddle with you, watch the stars, do all of those movie things they do. Akaashi, I want to  _ kiss  _ you and I don’t think I can just pretend to not want this anymore. Do you… Do you think you could give me a chance? To be your boyfriend and try to make you fall in love with me the same way I fell in love with you?”

Akaashi’s brain turns immediately to mush. His brain stops working and, for once, he doesn’t  _ care _ . He can tell Bokuto all he has always wanted to say. He  _ finally _ can be open and honest about his own feelings and he has never felt so  _ free _ . “Bokuto-san, I have been in love with you ever since I saw you playing for the first time when I was in junior high.”

It’s maybe the way he said it, seeming breathless after a long run, or the way he looks at Bokuto with  _ finally  _ such open expression of love and adoration, that Bokuto doesn’t hesitate to lean over and kiss him softly yet firmly on the lips. It’s not even a real kiss, just lips touching for the first time, getting to know each other, but Akaashi sighs like he has  _ finally been _ given the real relief he has needed all this time and he can  _ feel _ Bokuto’s small smile on his lips.

When they break apart, their smiles are both huge and brilliant, and Akaashi falls for Bokuto even more at that moment. What he doesn’t know is that it’s the same for Bokuto.

.

They watch the stars, later that same day. They lay on the grass for at least an hour, Bokuto drawing animals and constellations that Akaashi would teach him, and they talked through all of it: about moving forward, just doing this between them for now, being both new and shy to  _ dating _ idea. Bokuto held Akaashi’s hand all the time and even stole a small peck on his lips after a shared laughter they had, looking at each other's faces with blissed out expressions, happiness glinting on their eyes and love written all over their faces.

When they go home, they walk hand in hand, Bokuto babbling about how happy he is, about how he took days planning this, how Konoha had to reassure him a thousand times that Akaashi would say yes – the little  _ shit _ , Akaashi thinks but can’t bring himself to care – and how Bokuto had been a nervous wreck the entire time. When Akaashi tells him that he had been feeling nervous, too, they laugh and realize how oblivious they had been to each other’s feelings for so long.

When they part ways, a softer kiss this time, Bokuto’s mouth moving gently against Akaashi, and they both melt into it, they part ways with huge matching smiles and promises to see each other again soon.

.

“Hmmm, what did you say?” Akaashi asks lazily, his head resting comfortably on Bokuto’s chest while the boy had been reading some manga that Kuroo had recommended to him. Akaashi had almost been snoozing off when Bokuto said something, but it took him a second to realize that he had talked to  _ him _ .

“I asked if you were asleep,” Bokuto replies, turning his head slightly to give Akaashi a quick kiss on his head. “Go to sleep, you sound tired.”

“That’s because you wanted to practice three times more than usual today,” he drawls, yawning afterwards and hugging Bokuto closer to him, hiding his face on the crook of Bokuto’s neck. That smell of men's cologne and fresh soap that he was sure only Bokuto ever used was so calming to him, and he was sure he would be out in a second. “Where did that stamina come from?”

Akaashi is too tired to realize Bokuto takes more than a moment to answer, because he blushes slightly. He’s a teenager and he has hormones, so he had been dying to let off some steam somehow. Volleyball is something he loves, so it seemed logical. Even though he played with the person that made him want to blow off steam in the first place anyway. He has hormones, he’s not going to deny that.

“I’ll tell you more about it after your nap,” he says softly now, almost whispering, and notices how Akaashi’s breathing is starting to even out. “Sleep, babe. I’ll be here when you wake up.”

So, Akaashi does. With the sound of Bokuto’s steady heartbeat, his calm breathing and his intoxicating smell, he sleeps soundly on his  _ boyfriend _ ’s chest.

.

“Hey, Akaashi,” Bokuto starts when they sit down on a bench to take a breath after playing some. He had convinced other people to join them – Kuroo, Kenma (how that even happened, it’s one of the biggest mysteries of Akaashi’s life), Yaku, and Konoha, so they could play three against three – and now everybody had decided to drink some water and chat. Yaku, Konoha and Kuroo immediately got into a talk about how Konoha’s blocking had been developing while Kenma sat next to them with his PSP in hands, playing a game – maybe paying attention, maybe not. It was hard to tell with Kenma, he’s very observant even when it seems that he’s not paying attention. 

“Yes, Bokuto-san?” he replies after taking a sip of his own water, turning his head to watch his  _ boyfriend _ . He doesn’t know if any of his friends there knew about the sudden development in their relationship or what they thought about it. Konoha was definitely supportive, otherwise he would never have helped Bokuto, but Yaku, Kuroo and Kenma are incognitos to him. Is it even obvious that they’re dating now? Are they being different around each other? Akaashi is doing his best to try to act normally, but he can’t help his soft smiles when Bokuto spikes and immediately asks him if he saw it, looking proud. It’s a somewhat scary thought, and Akaashi doesn’t want to overthink this right now.

“Do you want to sleep over today? I… want to introduce you as my boyfriend to my parents, if you don’t mind.” He murmurs and Akaashi’s breathing came to a halt suddenly, his heart immediately going nuts with this idea.

Bokuto’s parents are, for the most part, nice and chill. They understand Bokuto’s struggle and they have sought help for him when he was younger, until he adapted and improved. They were supportive of him loving volleyball, and as far as Akaashi’s aware, they’re not against Bokuto going pro because of how much he loves the sport. But it’s a different matter when it comes to sexuality. Akaashi had come out to his parents by accident over a year ago, when he mentioned his first kiss being a boy while his mom was trying to pester him with his aunt – which ended up in an awkward discussion about how Akaashi needed to be careful, because there are many people who are simply mean in the world and that he would only tell this fact to people he truly can truly trusts, something Akaashi completely agrees with. And it also led to an awkward and awful conversation about  _ safe sex _ which Akaashi hated with everything down to his core, and both his parents had been blushing hard and stuttering while his aunt, had been laughing her ass off the entire time. Akaashi had been thinking of introducing Bokuto as his boyfriend to his parents  _ officially _ , because he  _ notices _ his parents’ looks at him and he sees his mom smirking sometimes when Bokuto comes over maybe a bit too much or he mentions the boy way too many times. 

But he doesn’t know what to think of Bokuto’s parents. Was Bokuto actually willing to take this step because of  _ Akaashi _ ? Was he ready to come out to his parents like this, introducing a boyfriend, someone he was dating in high school and probably wouldn’t date for the rest of his life? 

Because as much as Akaashi loves him, he does not know if it’s an equal two-way street in this relationship. As much as Akaashi  _ knows _ that Bokuto is the one for him, that no one will ever make his heart fill and constrict with so much love as much as Bokuto does; no one ever will be able to make Akaashi feel lightheaded and amazing as he feels when he’s with Bokuto; no one will ever make Akaashi this blushing, stuttering mess that Bokuto makes him; no one will ever make Akaashi so full of pride, love and joy for someone as he feels for Bokuto when’s he’s happy, when he’s playing volleyball, when he’s laughing; no one will ever compare to Bokuto Koutarou in Akaashi’s eyes  _ but _ he’s not so sure if it’s the same case for Bokuto. And this thought  _ terrifies _ him, but it’s one he’s not allowing himself to dwell on too much.

Akaashi already spends his alone time overthinking this relationship for the next year –  _ if it lasts this long _ , his mind always supplies, just to make him overthink more and more – with Bokuto in college and Akaashi by himself in his last year of high school. And then will they continue their relationship? Does Bokuto see himself with Akaashi for a long time?  _ Does Bokuto love Akaashi as much as Akaashi loves him? _

Akaashi doesn’t doubt for a second that Bokuto cares for him. He  _ sees _ it every day now, and he knows Bokuto has feelings for him, real romantic feelings. But he’s not sure if they are on the same page regarding the future and Akaashi can’t help but overthink this at any chance he has.

Now? He kind of wants to freak the fuck out with this.

“Bokuto-san,” he murmurs and suddenly he even forgets where they are, his mind blocking out the noise being made by his friends, laughing and not even noticing the tense aura around both the boys there now. “Are you sure you want to do this?”

With a tilt of his head, Bokuto gives him a confused expression, but also a serious glint simmering on his eyes. “Of course, yes, Akaashi. I want them to know you as my  _ boyfriend _ .”

Akaashi takes a deep breath then, and looks ahead, observing Yaku and Konoha watch something on one of their phones, deeply immersed on whatever’s on the screen, while Kuroo bothers Kenma with an arm slung around Kenma’s shoulders and he tries to brush him off without stopping playing. Akaashi  _ breathes _ and ponders, does Bokuto even understand the implication of this?

“Bokuto-san,” he says, voice calm and even, although his head is spinning with what he’s about to say, about having this conversation at some point with Bokuto, but everything inside of him screams  _ run and don’t look back _ and for the first time ever since his relationship with Bokuto developed, he  _ listens _ to this voice. “I don’t think this is a good idea.”

After that, he excuses himself and claims to be tired, and walks home alone. He doesn’t look Bokuto in the eye not even once, avoid his friends’ questions – and weird looks, because  _ they see _ Bokuto’s expression – and leaves, with a heavy heart, a mouth with taste of regret and excuses and a tiredness to his bones he doesn’t know how to explain.

.

When the sun rises, Akaashi watches it from his window, sitting by his desk with a pen in hand and a blank open notebook in front of him, ready to write down his feelings, to spill out whatever’s inside his head – even though he hasn’t been able to do that, yet. He watches it rising so silently, hearing the birds before he can even see the signs of the sunlight coming, and hearing people starting off their days when he hasn’t even finished his own. He sees the sun when it’s a bit higher and starts to come above the roofs of the neighbors, peaking slowly to bring another day.

Akaashi is still stuck on the day before. He’s still stuck on what he said to Bokuto, how he could be cuddling with him right now instead of sitting alone on his chair for  _ hours _ , his back and lower half complaining about the amount of time he has been sitting there, unmoving. He still has the excuse stuck on his throat, the lack of explanation and talk, the lack of messages from Bokuto that spoke louder than any scream Akaashi has ever heard him give. He stares and stares, his mind suddenly too much at once, too many thoughts, the lack of answers he needs and the overthinking that is  _ definitely _ driving him insane. 

Slowly, he gets up from the chair, his entire body protesting at how long he sat there unmoving, his muscles aching but he can’t bring himself to care. He lays on his bed and hugs his pillow tight, eyes closed tight, and mouth closed in a thin line, unwilling to open at all.

His pillow slowly starts to get wet from the tears coming through his closed eyelids, but Akaashi doesn’t move, doesn’t do anything besides lay there. He allows the sadness and regret to hit him and lure him to an awful sleep.

.

Perhaps waking up was a mistake, Akaashi thinks, hours later. 

His mom had noticed something was wrong  _ immediately _ when she arrived from work – she would always arrive an hour before her husband did – and saw her son with huge bags under his eyes, hair a mess and holding a cup of tea while sitting on the couch. It was barely past 5pm and she was sure he’d be with Bokuto now, a note hanging on the fridge saying so or the boy himself would be over with her son. But when she found her son sitting alone, in the mostly dark living room, staring at  _ nothing _ , she knew immediately that something was wrong.

Now, as he sits with her in the living room, his mug forgotten with his cold tea on the coffee table – which had gone cold  _ hours _ ago – and he lays his head on her lap, her long thin fingers going through his hair softly, Akaashi decides that waking up was a mistake. He doesn’t know when he woke up – somewhere around noon, he thinks – as he proceeded to the kitchen, ate a fruit, and made some tea. Then he sat on the couch until his mother found him. He didn’t know that he had been sitting there for such a long time. He allows his mom to undo the knots in his hair softly, while she hums an old song under her breath and just lets Akaashi be for a moment.

“Mom,” he whispers softly after a while, because suddenly the silence is too much to bear and his throat is starting to constrict again. “I think I lost him.”

She doesn’t stop moving her fingers, but her humming stops. “I hardly doubt that, Keiji,” she says so softly that makes his throat constrict even more. He can feel the tears, but he’s tired of crying, of feeling like this. His phone stares at him on the coffee table, no messages, no missed phone calls. “He cares deeply for you. Whatever happened, I’m sure you can fix it if you talk about it.”

Akaashi says nothing, but turns his head, burying his face on his mother's lap when the tears start falling again. She doesn’t say another word but continues humming softly while carving her fingers through his hair, as if this would make the pain on his chest lessen and go away.

.

In the end, Akaashi stays there in his mother's lap for at least half an hour. He eats dinner with his family after his father arrives, he had even helped make the food to distract himself. His mother excuses him from doing the dishes this time – with a concerned look from his father, which Akaashi doesn’t miss – and he excuses himself for the night. He sleeps afterwards, a dreamless sleep, one that is pure tiredness from not sleeping and crying so much.

When he wakes up the next day, he feels a bit better. He knows now that he did everything backwards, that he ran away from facing Bokuto and his family, he ran away from a conversation he needed to have with Bokuto  _ desperately _ about their future if it even had a chance to exist. Akaashi stays on his bed for at least thirty minutes thinking of his plan for the day: take a good shower, eat something healthy and call Bokuto to talk. 

He gets through his plan halfway when someone rings the doorbell. Akaashi throw his finished apple in the trash bin and goes to the door, expecting perhaps a neighbor or even the mailman – his mother orders something online at least once a week, the woman being addicted to online shopping, especially regarding small cute things Keiji liked or something she could either give to someone on her family or hang in the house. 

What he gets is an incredibly nervous Bokuto Koutarou.

“Hey, Akaashi,” he says, a small nervous smile planted on his face. “Can we talk? Can I come in?”

For a second, Akaashi’s brain stops working. He stares at the boy in front of him, dumbfounded, still trying to process the fact that Bokuto himself showed up at his door.. If Bokuto came himself, then maybe he realized that Akaashi was wrong and came to break up with him. Do it in his own house, so he could grieve alone and not break down in the middle of the street. Bokuto was being kind to him, Bokuto was ––

“Akaashi?” Bokuto asked again, this time his face unsure and insecure, but breaking Akaashi from his thoughts anyway. He nods once and steps aside so he can walk in. Bokuto quietly excuses himself, takes off his shoes and walks in, already being so used to be around so much. Akaashi trails after him as Bokuto stops awkwardly in the middle of the living room. He looks around and sees Akaashi hanging by the door between the living room and the entrance, his eyes looking anywhere but at Bokuto himself. He doesn’t look comfortable, Bokuto thinks. “Akaashi, can we sit down and talk?”

“You don’t have to, Bokuto-san,” he says slowly, eyes now glued to the floor, his hands fidgeting on the hem of his shirt. “We can part ways amicably. I don’t blame you. I’m sorry for it.”

“What?” Bokuto squealed, making Akaashi’s head shoot up and look at the boy in front of him, who looked very much surprised and incredulous. “I don’t want to break up!”

“You don’t?” Akaashi asks, eyes unsure and Bokuto groans, hiding his face behind his hands, mumbling something incoherent to himself. “Bokuto-san, what I did that day was wrong and I…”

“No, Akaashi,” Bokuto interrupted gently, his hands now reaching out for Akaashi’s hand, his eyes searching for Akaashi’s eyes. “You were right. I didn’t think through it. My parents didn’t know we were dating, and they didn’t know I’m gay. I could have ruined that night for us because I was desperate to show you off to everyone. I’m the one who’s sorry.”

Akaashi releases a shaky breath, and Bokuto’s arms come slowly to circle him, first unsure, but when Akaashi clings to him with such force, Bokuto hugs him back with the same amount he can offer. They’re quiet for a moment, Akaashi breathing in Bokuto’s neck, the smell of his soap and the scent of sweat – probably from running, he loves running during mornings – and just taking the comfort of being there again. His mind is quiet for once, and he holds onto it, the silence inside his head, the aura that Bokuto brings with him, how at peace he finally feels after over a day. Slowly, he feels Bokuto’s hand go through his hair, massaging his scalp slightly as he sighs into it, delving deeper into the feeling and melting into the boy’s arms.

“I’m sorry, Akaashi,” Bokuto whispers quietly, and Akaashi hides his face on the crook of his neck, feeling the tears coming back for reasons he can’t quite point out. “I didn’t come yesterday because I was mad. But in the end I talked to Konoha and… I talked to my parents, too.”

This gets Akaashi to stiffen in Bokuto’s arms, and he quickly unwraps himself to look him in the eyes. Bokuto is gently looking at him, eyes open and kind, full of  _ love _ for Akaashi. He can’t look away right now, not when he’s seeing this so openly, so he  _ won’t _ look away. “I told them about us, and they want you to have dinner with us and sleep over maybe, tonight.”

Before Akaashi can understand the meaning behind these words, Bokuto quickly pecks him on the lips and pulls away just as fast, eyes wide and afraid to have crossed this line way too soon. “They are 100% supportive, Akaashi. And they kind of already knew anyway, they told me they were suspicious of us.”

When Akaashi’s still sluggish from sleep head decides to finally start working again, it’s just in time to see Bokuto smiling brilliantly – still hesitant, sadly, Akaashi decides – and Akaashi is already glued to him again, clinging on him for life, lips hard on his, both boys smiling, happy, and most importantly,  _ relieved _ . 

.

“I’m sorry I didn’t explain myself, though,” Akaashi says sometime later, as they both lay on Akaashi’s bed, their sides touching, half of their legs hanging off the bed as they stare at the ceiling. “I should have told you my insecurities. I should have talked about it with you before anything. But I just ran away, scared.”

Bokuto hums softly, his hand softly squeezing Akaashi’s, the one he has been holding since the moment they laid there after some  _ amazing _ kissing. They have been talking for quite some time now, and when they reached a silence, Akaashi felt like telling Bokuto what he  _ has to _ tell him.

“I didn’t know if your parents knew about us. If you had told them you are dating another guy. I just assumed they didn’t, and I didn’t want to risk ruining your relationship with them because of  _ me _ .”

Bokuto turns his head then, staring at Akaashi’s profile. The younger boy is biting his lower lip with eyes wide staring at the ceiling ahead of him. He doesn’t turn to Bokuto, because he knows if he does, he will break down. And he can’t break down now, not when he needs to put it all out before he regrets the choice of doing so or before he runs away  _ again _ .

“Bokuto-san, what do you expect from this relationship?” he asks very quietly but Bokuto hears him well. He doesn’t answer yet, because he sees Akaashi opening and closing his mouth, his dry swallow, trying to get rid of the lump that formed there, his eyes moving to look everywhere in that stupid ceiling. “I like you. Very much so. More than like, to be honest. I am absolutely, devotedly in love with you, Bokuto-san. And I am  _ terrified _ of it. Because you will graduate in a year. You’ll be in college. You’ll go pro. You’ll live another life and I will get left behind. You have such an amazing future ahead of you and I  _ know _ people can judge you from having a male partner. If, and that’s a big if, we continue this relationship after high school and you go pro, Bokuto-san, I  _ refuse _ to stand between your future. I  _ can’t _ .”

He releases a breath then, all at once, and his eyes water, but he doesn’t look to Bokuto – even though he can feel the boy staring at him – and he refuses to even glance at him. He keeps his eyes glued to a spot he found on the ceiling and swallows the lump again. He can’t break down. He  _ can’t _ .

“That’s a lot of decisions you’re making for me there, Akaashi,” Bokuto says, slowly and lowly. His voice is even and Akaashi is afraid to look at him. Bokuto doesn’t go on for a second, and Akaashi feels the tug on their joined hands. Bokuto  _ wants _ Akaashi to look at him. He blinks for a long second, swallows the lump again and turns his head.

Staring at Bokuto’s eyes makes every single wall he had been holding just break entirely. Bokuto is looking at him with love, with hope, with  _ eagerness  _ and Akaashi feels stupid for doubting that Bokuto would just give up so easily. He might get down sometimes, but Bokuto is not one for giving up. He never was and he doesn’t think he ever will be. Akaashi can feel the tears slowly start to come down his face, dripping to his ears and wetting his bed sheet, but he can’t find himself to care. Bokuto is  _ looking _ at him, seeing him.

“Akaashi, I don’t want to regret my life in the next few years. I  _ love _ you. Incredibly. Like, a really huge amount. I don’t know the word for that.” He smiles, sheepishly, and turns on his side so his other hand – because he hasn’t ever let go of Akaashi’s hand, he  _ never will _ – to wipe off a few tears that are coming down to his pale face. “I don’t know what’s going to happen tomorrow. Or the next day. Month. Year. Decade. But I know right now that I want to spend them with you. By my side, just like we are right now. Maybe even closer, if is that even possible? But I know that I want to. All of it. What’s the point of going pro, having this amazing life you’ve built in your head for me, if my favorite person and the one I love the most isn’t there to celebrate it with me?”

Akaashi breaks the moment with a sob, and Bokuto’s eyes shine with tears, too. Bokuto’s hand holds Akaashi’s face gently, his thumb caressing his cheek, wiping the tears so softly and gently. “Whatever happens when I go pro, hopefully, we  _ will be _ still together, and then we’ll think about it. Right now, Akaashi, I just want to love you properly, that’s if you’ll have me.”

Even though he had been crying, and he still is to be quite honest, Akaashi smiles  _ brilliantly  _ at him, and it’s like this that he says, “please, call me Keiji.”

Bokuto’s smile is blinding. “Then you have to call me Koutarou!”

They share a laugh, among their tears – Bokuto is not even sure the tears started falling, but they’re there, too, mixing with Akaashi’s own tears – and snots, they hug, they laugh more and they kiss, until they’re smiling way too hard, until the tears have dried, until their lips hurt from so much kissing and touching each other’s faces. They cling to each other for life.  _ No thinking at all _ , they both think,  _ just feel it _ . 

.

It’s the end of spring. Ten days have never seemed so long in Akaashi’s opinion. So much has happened, so much has changed, and tomorrow is the start of a new year. Akaashi’s second year of high school and Bokuto’s third – and last – year of high school. They start the year with Bokuto as the captain and Akaashi as his vice-captain. It’s all fresh, new, and now they’re not just partners, teammates, or friends. They’re  _ boyfriends _ . They are officially, openly, and already introduced to each other’s parents as boyfriends. 

Akaashi is sitting on the park, waiting for his  _ boyfriend _ to finish buying his onigiri from the convenience across the street. He was also kind of thirsty and Bokuto didn’t want him to go with him, saying he should stay there and keep their special spot untouched and not stolen by anyone else passing by. It is right under a huge cherry blossom tree, and since it is spring, it’s full blossomed. It’s quite the beautiful place and Akaashi doesn’t blame Bokuto on not wanting to lose this spot right now.

It’s their last day of vacation. Tomorrow, they start a new year. Akaashi is anxious, nervous, and maybe still unsure. He still hears that nagging voice inside his head telling him everything that could go wrong, all the things he’s afraid of, but Bokuto has told him so many times during the last days how this voice  _ doesn’t matter _ , not when they should focus on the moment and present, right now. 

So, it’s easier to ignore it now. Akaashi agrees with Bokuto, he is focusing on the right now. And right now, he sees his  _ boyfriend _ finally making his way towards them, a bag in hand and a playful smile on his face as he walks towards him, eyes glued on Akaashi. He smiles softly as Bokuto finally gets there, the older boy leaving a kiss on Akaashi’s temple as he takes the seat next to him, so close, touching their sides completely.

“I have your onigiri,” Bokuto starts with a smile, handing his boyfriend onigiri and a canned iced coffee he likes, earning a soft smile back with a  _ thank you _ murmur from him. “Do I get a kiss for this?”

Akaashi rolls his eyes at his antics but leans forward and kisses him softly on the lips. They don’t dwell too much on it, knowing many people aren’t as supportive as their friends or family, so they part ways with matching soft smiles and gentle, loving glints shining on their eyes. “You always deserve a kiss,  _ Kou _ .”

Bokuto doesn’t blush anymore from the nickname, Akaashi notices, sadly. He had quite liked seeing him blushing after he started calling him like this in private. He must have gotten used to it, he thinks sadly, but doesn’t dwell on it, either. He can make Bokuto blush in other ways, and that only means he has to find out, which excites and embarrasses him at the same time.

“Thank you,  _ Keiji _ ,” he whispers, as he opens his canned juice and winks at him, laughing at him with soft eyes as Akaashi rolls his eyes and starts eating his onigiri.

Life is going to change, starting tomorrow. They’ll openly date. Maybe it will be good. Maybe it won’t. Akaashi is scared, terrified and wants to run away from everything. But when he looks at Bokuto’s face – no,  _ Koutarou’s face _ –, he doesn’t feel like running away anymore. Whatever happens, from now on, as long as he gets to keep this amazing boy by his side, with his senseless kisses that make Akaashi dizzy, especially when Bokuto’s tongue seeks his own so slowly and passionately; with lovingly kisses that don’t last long but makes Akaashi’s heart squeeze on his chest; with temple and cheek kisses that make Akaashi’s heartbeat fasten; and with every little piece of happiness that this boy has brought to his life, that probably  _ will _ still bring, that’s when Akaashi decides that life can throw whatever it wants to his way. Because he has Koutarou. And he knows that by his side, they can conquer anything. They just need each other, and as long as they have that and their  _ love _ , Akaashi doesn’t feel as afraid anymore.

He feels  _ hopeful _ .

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, yeah! I know! Big chapter and lots of things happening!  
> Maybe it did sound a bit rushed, but I wanted them to settle things in between the end and the beginning of school year, which I found out is 10 days in Japan!!!!!! So!!!!!!! Had to. But hopefully you can understand what I meant here, this is where they START their relationship. Settling how they want to move forward. Like Bokuto said, no thinking of the future, just living the present. So I wanted Akaashi to freak out over this and have Bokuto pull him back to reality. Hope I did my job correctly, lol. Also, I know it sounds unrealistic to think "oh this is the love of my life and I want to be with them forever" when you're dating in high school but. I've been there once. Most of us have, I guess? It's common to think that in a relationship, especially when you have been in love before you start dating the person, so.... ANYWAYS. I talk a lot, sorry lol.  
> However, for the next chapter, I will do time skip bokuaka. Grown up, so, SPOILERS NEXT CHAPTER! Might do some sexy times, too, I don't know yet, but if I decide to do so, I'll give the heads up, don't worry.  
> Also, next chapter will explore more about their growth in the relationship through the years, like a quick run through what they had to face to get to the point I will actually explore on the chapter. Does it make sense?  
> Anyways, hope you enjoyed it! Feedback is always appreciated, and thank you for reading and for your kudos!   
> I love y'all!! <3
> 
> (find me on twitter, let's talk! @igurohashira)


	3. The ending

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I KNOW!! I'm so late, I'm absolutely sorry >:(   
> I've had a few personal issues and honestly I couldn't write anything that wasn't angst, so I gave myself a break from this ff. Sorry :( but! Today I watched a instagram live, a writing workshop, so I got inspired and managed to finish it, yay!! Also, this chapter wasn't beta read so, excuse any mistakes!
> 
> WARNING!!!!  
> there is slight SMUT on this chapter!!  
> if you don't like it!!!  
> it starts at ""I’m not hungry for food right now,” he mumbles"  
> it finishes at "It’s something Keiji had never expected"

It’s a sunny day in Tokyo and even though fall still brings some of the coldness, the sun shines bright and relieves some of the cold stuck in Akaashi’s fingers. His fingers and feet had always been colder than the rest of his body, something that bothers him a lot during cold season. He hates wearing socks to sleep or gloves when he goes out. But today, he doesn’t have to, because it’s sunny and the coldness is not hitting as hard as it would normally these days.

He sits on a bench, right under the tree that Koutarou asked him to move in together. And while waiting, he thinks of the past, of harder days, of being afraid, of not knowing what was the right and wrong and just lets his mind wander. 

Through the years, Akaashi reminisces, they went through so much. Bokuto and Akaashi had so many ups and downs, so many breaking points where Akaashi was sure they wouldn’t last longer than that, so many good moments that he wishes it could be carved into his memory forever.

The first year had been great, with their evolving relationship and how they had time to get to know each other and be around each other as much as possible. They weren’t much for PDA, even though Akaashi was sure Bokuto would be, they usually left their own touches and kisses and secret smiles to be behind closed doors or in hidden places. The team probably knew, but none of them ever said a word, not even the coach, and they _thrived_ that year. They didn’t win the nationals, and when the realization hit in, Akaashi won’t ever forget the look in Bokuto’s face. The look of being lost, of thinking he could have done more, how they hadn’t been able to achieve all of that especially _together_ and how much they wanted it, because it was the end of their moment on volleyball. It had been a day full of tears, full of whispered apologies, cuddles and promises that Bokuto would fight harder to be someone Akaashi could be proud of.

Akaashi didn’t even stutter in telling Bokuto that he already was.

When Bokuto graduated, Akaashi, in the beginning, had been managing fine, but when he realized he had so many roles to fill, so much to think and to do, he eventually snapped in the second half of his final school year. What had helped a lot was Kenma’s presence, because they were both going through similar things – thinking about the future, worrying, and missing their respective boyfriends, and they were both captains of their own volleyball team. So, their friendship first started as a way of coping for each of them, but slowly became a solid friendship, where they both understood and trusted each other. Akaashi has always been – and probably always will be – incredibly grateful for having Kenma that year. Also, Kuroo and Bokuto sharing a small apartment close to their universities had been a plus, because they would sometimes go together, and whenever one of them couldn’t make it, they’d update each other regarding their boyfriends.

Somehow, they survived that year. Every single moment they had together it had been special, and even though they had a few arguments, and sometimes Akaashi’s insecurities got the best of him, they survived every single thing life threw in their way. But that was only the second year.

The third year, when Akaashi had also gotten into the same university as Kuroo and Bokuto, he thought his life would start to settle. He found himself a small apartment for him and Kenma, one he needed to get a part-time job to help afford. His parents were nice enough to pay for his rent, but they couldn’t afford much more and give much money to Akaashi. Besides, he knew it would be beneficial for him to start working as early as possible to get some experience ahead. Kenma could afford himself simply fine, because he started college to drop off quite quickly when he started making a career for himself as a youtuber out of everything, with the amount of playing he liked to do. No one was surprised, to be honest.

Akaashi started getting a major in literature and got himself a part-time job in a small publishing company. It was during that time he enrolled into publishing and editing, but that would only come to happen years later. The point was that when Akaashi had been 6 months into university, his life going amazing, with his good paying part-time job, college, and his relationship with Bokuto being amazing. They had been dating for two solid years and a half but then Bokuto took a decision that changed everything Akaashi had been carefully planning since the beginning of their relationship.

Bokuto dropped out of college.

He got in college with an amazing sports scholarship, and Akaashi knew he’d go pro soon. He just hadn’t expected to be so soon, right after he had stabilized his life with his boyfriend, getting back into a routine, seeing each other many times during the week and having a life _together_ , finally. And what changed everything was the fact that Bokuto hid that from him for six months, meaning he had known he would drop out of college since Akaashi got into it.

Akaashi, of course, had been ecstatic when he heard Bokuto got scouted to go pro. To a _really_ good team. And that he had chances of not staying much on the bench, which excited them both. But Akaashi had felt hurt for the fact that Bokuto hid it from him, instead of letting him know since the beginning that everything Akaashi had been planning could be destroyed in an instant, _would actually_ get destroyed. Bokuto knew in 4-8 months he would have to drop out of college and dedicate his life to volleyball.

Akaashi never expected less of him. He had only expected more _trust_.

It also didn’t help that Bokuto and Akaashi never had time for each other anymore. Akaashi needed to study, Bokuto would stay more hours on the gym training to learn how to play with different and new players, learning how to earn his spot on the court. As much as Akaashi was proud, he was frustrated, too. How much he wanted to be around Bokuto, after so much waiting. How much he wanted to have some routine normalcy back and he just _couldn’t_. Slowly, with more time for himself, Kenma spending most of his time with Kuroo or working, he started getting in his head again.

Because he could have prepared himself for this. He could have avoided all of these problems if Bokuto had trusted him. But he hadn’t. And that was hurt Akaashi the most.

At one point, he snapped. After going two months seeing each other mostly to _sleep_ only on the same bed and barely had had a conversation longer than 15 minutes, Akaashi just snapped. He yelled, cried, and told Bokuto to leave, because apparently volleyball was his life, and Akaashi didn’t have a space there for him. And he got even more worked up when Bokuto only stood there, head hanging low and accepting it all. Then, he just left and Akaashi cried for so many hours he missed classed next day and called in sick for the first time in work. He just stayed in bed moping for the whole day until Kenma came home (for once) to make him take a shower and eat dinner he had brought.

That night, he told Kenma everything. All his insecurities, all his fears and struggles, everything that he and Bokuto had been going through. Kenma only listened, offered some tips and in the end, simply asked him before going to bed, “if Bokuto didn’t care about you, then why do you think he would take two trains to come and just sleep next to you? If he didn’t care, Akaashi, then why did he stay when it was much easier to just leave?”

Akaashi and Bokuto didn’t talk for a week, and for once, Akaashi listened to his rational side rather than his insecure side. He thought about how they could make this relationship work, and during a Sunday, he invited Bokuto over to talk over things, which the man didn’t hesitate to accept and show up at his doorstep 40 minutes later.

And they talked, for hours, about everything and nothing. Akaashi told his insecurities, the fear he had of Bokuto suddenly leaving him because Akaashi wasn’t good enough, how he had only seen his side and not Bokuto’s side and how inconsiderate he had been. He apologized, cried, and asked for forgiveness, because as much as he had felt hurt, was only because he had created so many expectations inside his head and never shared them to Bokuto, so how could they actually make those real?

Bokuto apologized, too, and shared his own insecurities. How he had been working extra hard to earn his spot on the court, but also to make Akaashi proud. How he thought Akaashi would eventually give up on Bokuto, because he was so busy and never got enough time to be with him, and how he thought Akaashi deserved better. They shared whispers and secrets, between kisses and love making, crying and hugging. They spend the day fixing everything that had been breaking between them.

Eventually, Bokuto started as a regular, not much long after _that_ day. Eventually, Akaashi graduated and earned himself a good spot as an editor of a manga publisher. Eventually, things turned for the best.

It isn't always the best, but they make sure to talk more and be more honest with each other. Sometimes, it is hard, and it makes them both frustrated; sometimes, they even give each other angry looks; sometimes, they share sad and tired looks, but their love never waver. They _survived_ everything. Which led them to six (close to seven) years together, years that had rough, difficult and annoying times, but that Akaashi wouldn’t change a thing about it. Because it made them today what they are.

And what Akaashi is now could be described as impatient, because, as always, Bokuto is _late._ He always stays overtime during training and his coach was far from asking him to stop – as long as it didn’t jeopardize his wellbeing and his health, his coach was all for it. Besides, Bokuto usually drags Atsumu to train with him, and it takes longer because half of the time is Bokuto trying to convince Atsumu to be there. Akaashi likes Atsumu and knew that he was an amazing setter. Years ago, perhaps that would have made Akaashi burn with jealousy, thinking that the amazing Miya setter is setting for Bokuto, but now it only makes him _proud_. Besides, Atsumu is a nice and supportive person, and he knows about his relationship with Bokuto, having already said that he's happy for both of them. And recently Bokuto had brought up the fact that Hinata – the Karasuno self-made little giant – was about to join their team. It’s a closure that Akaashi hadn’t been expecting, with former rivals now becoming teammates.

“Keiji!” he hears quite loudly, and signs quietly at the bench. He would be attracting attention to themselves, and he didn’t want that. Koutarou had been getting more famous around the country lately, and he didn’t want to jeopardize his career with their relationship.

Just as he gets up and turns toward the voice, he sees him and Keiji cannot stop the soft smile to come to his face. Koutarou is running, his duffel bag on his shoulders and coat slightly open. He’s smiling, brilliantly, and it’s warmer than the sun itself hitting on Keiji’s skin. His cold limbs now are warm with love, Koutarou always bringing this effect on him.

“Koutarou,” he mumbles just as the man arrives in front of him, smile never faltering. Koutarou adjusts Keiji’s eyeglasses, a habit he had started recently whenever he sees Keiji. A huff of laughter leaves Keiji’s lips and he resists the urge to kiss him senseless right there, in the middle of the park, the same spot where Koutarou had blurted to him that they should move in together. Quite a memory, he thinks, and gives him a small nod to his right, so they can walk side by side towards home.

“How was training today?” he asks, and Koutarou is already babbling about Tsum Tsum antics, about Hinata’s crazy high jump – apparently, he had been in Brazil playing beach volleyball for a while – and how he had been excited for the next round of games that would come soon.

Keiji usually tries to watch all his games, but it is kind of hard considering that he is an editor and that he works _a lot_. Koutarou doesn’t mind, and Keiji records every single one of his games on their TV, so they can watch together later. But, whenever he manages to, he will go to wherever Koutarou’s playing and will watch his own star shine in person. It’s always a sight he loves and cherishes with his whole heart.

He gets lost in Koutarou’s conversation as they head to their apartment, and he hums answers and ask questions when necessary. They get to their apartment in 10 minutes of walking, and they immediately get rid of their winter clothes and go straight inside, heading to the kitchen to prepare dinner together. It is their shared routine, and Keiji adores it. It’s their own moment, to cook together, eat, sometimes watch a bit of TV, talk and head to bed, either to sleep or do the exact opposite.

Just as Keiji opens the fridge, Koutarou hugs him from behind, kissing him slightly on his sensitive neck with a smile Keiji could feel from his lips. He sighs without realizing, because no matter if they have their own place together and how it feels like home, his _true_ home is at Koutarou’s arms. It’s when they hug, kiss, make love, when he feels the love of his life so close to him, the smell of volleyball and soap, the broadness of his shoulders, the gentle smile on his neck. This is his home.

“I’m not hungry for food right now,” he mumbles, nipping softly at Keiji’s neck and his ear. Keiji sighs one more time, feeling Koutarou’s hands moving around his body, getting under his shirt. Surprisingly, his hands are hot, and he starts giving him open mouthed kisses on his neck.

“Kou,” Keiji whispers, his hands reaching for Koutarou’s hair, trying desperately anchor himself onto something. He feels Koutarou slowly grinding his hips into Keiji’s ass and he can’t help but moan softly when he feels how hard Koutarou already is. “Room, please.”

Koutarou laughs quietly and turns Keiji around, kissing him slowly and sensually. Keiji can’t help himself, letting his hands roam on Koutarou’s body as they kiss passionately. Keiji feeling warm all over again, Koutarou gripping his ass with firm hands and Keiji gasps softly, making Koutarou take the moment to kiss him harder, with a hint of desperation on his tongue.

Keiji doesn’t know how, but they move, kissing and laughing, limbs clashing, and kisses being exchanged midway, but they move to the bedroom. They fall on their bed, breathless, smiling wide and looking at each other with eyes full of love and adoration. Keiji kisses him again, and they slowly undress each other. It’s all too much and not enough, as they always are. Connecting the missing dots and filling empty blanks, but sometimes they’re so full they spill over the edges, and they become even more full of love than they already are. It’s all and nothing at once. It’s what keeps them together. It’s always the missing pieces for the biggest puzzle of their life.

“Hey,” Koutarou whispers softly, amid their love making, when he’s fully deep inside Keiji, feeling his lover clenching all around him. “I love you so much.”

Keiji smiles, a broken moan leaving his lips when Koutarou moves, and he is overwhelmed. It’s always like this, when he’s on either of the positions, and he suspects it’s not due to the fact that it’s sex, but because it’s _them_. “Kou,” he whispers, voice cracking and moans getting high pitched. He can hear Koutarou moaning on his ear, can feel him pulsing inside of Keiji, can _feel_ his love for Keiji dripping around the edges of their shared room. “I love you.” He manages to whisper between a breathy moan and a needy whine, and after that, they both lose themselves into their love making.

It’s something Keiji had never expected, he thinks lazily, long after he has come and cleaned up, when they both lazily lie on their bed while trying to choose a takeout for dinner. He never expected to have Koutarou like this, long enough that they could make actual plans so they can grow old together. Long enough he doesn’t have much self-doubt anymore around his head, because Koutarou had kissed all his irrational fears away. Long enough he knows whatever happens, they will deal with it, finding a way to stick together, because their limbs already mend into each other, as their love hold them together safely. Long enough that Keiji doesn’t doubt for a second that Koutarou is his and he is Koutarou’s for the rest of their lives, and they will share it together.

“Kou,” he says, breaking his lover out of his thought as he had been staring at a menu of a takeout close to their house. As he sits on their bed, wearing only boxer briefs, Keiji smiles at him, the smile only Koutarou is able to pull out of him. “We said forever, yeah?”

“Of course, Keiji,” he replies, his smile matching his lover’s. He kisses the point of Keiji’s nose, as they sit so close because Keiji is always cold and because he wants to be close to Koutarou. “I promised you, remember?”

“What if then,” Keiji starts, as he takes Koutarou’s hands into his, kissing the knuckles of his left hand, mouth holding on his ring finger a bit longer, as he continues then. “What if then we said forever and found a way to make it official, wherever?”

Koutarou’s breath hitches because he _understands_ the implication on Keiji’s words. Maybe they can’t get married in Japan, but have they ever cared about official things or letting the world know about it? It has always been about just them, a secret they both keep close to their hearts and to their close friends and family. The world doesn’t need to know, and it never will, because what Keiji and Koutarou share are only meant for both of them, anyway.

“Keiji, baby,” he whispers, so quietly and suddenly he feels his eyes fill with tears, but he lets the most brilliant smile Keiji has ever seen.

Koutarou jumps on him, then, knocking him down with a laugh, and Koutarou kisses him senseless. He smiles and laughs, laughs and laughs. Keiji is smiling too, he feels Koutarou’s tears fall on his face and he doesn’t mind, because his face is wet with his own tears, too. Koutarou stares at him, the same way he stared at him when they first started playing together, when they confessed to each other, he stares at him with a full settled mind and a goal set on his mind, the little smile playing on his lips.

“Forever it is, Keiji,” he whispers, finally, and even though Keiji had assumed it from this reaction, hearing it makes his heart beat faster and faster, and he can’t help but smile at him with eyes full of unshed tears.

“Forever it is, Koutarou,” he whispers back, their mouths meeting desperately, their love flowing strong as ever on their skins, mouths and minds. This, Keiji thinks, is what he had always hoped and never expected to happen.

He’s glad it happened, though. And he promises himself to spend the rest of his life trying to make sure this is how their life is, full of love, promises, battles they face together, but over everything, companionship. Trust. Mutual love. Care.

So Keiji promises twice; to himself, and to Koutarou. Forever it is.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So! What a ride, huh?  
> Thank you so much for reading it!   
> I hope you liked it! I'm not a huge fan of posting multichapter ff but I quite liked this one. Kudos and comments are very much appreciated <3  
> Thank you again!
> 
> (find me on twitter: @owlhashira)

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for making it this far! I plan on making this ff a three chapters ff. Second chapter is going to be set when their vacation starts, and hopefully I'll update on the next weekend! If I'm feeling extra inspired and receive some good motivation, I'll be able to write it all before the end of the week between my work hours and post it before. Hope you enjoy it! Please feel free to give me any tips or good criticism!  
> Comments and kudos are always very much appreciated <3
> 
> (if y'all want, come and find me on twitter! I swear I'm nice! @igurohashira)


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